Steve Peacock's U.S. Trade & Aid Monitor

NIH Seeks Greater Minority Role in Science, Health Research

The recruitment of health and science professionals from "underrepresented minority groups" will be the goal of a National Institutes of Health (NIH) outreach campaign that could roll out by August. The National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (NIAID) at NIH seeks to outsource a media campaign designed to "target and acquire" such workers via newspaper, magazine, and online media advertising across the nation.

Further details are not yet available, as NIAID this week again delayed releasing a formal solicitation for the project -- the third such delay since the agency originally began its search for potential contractors late last year. NIAID describes the project as a necessary component of creating a workforce to research efforts "against infectious and immune-mediated diseases, immune tolerance, AIDS, bio-terrorism agents, emerging diseases, and vaccines studies."

Feds Plan to Build National ' Teacher Training ' Site

Teacher accountability and professional development are among the many target areas that the No Child Left Behind (NCLB) Act, hypothetically, seeks to strengthen. Despite claims that the Act oversteps constitutional boundaries --arguably interfering with state and local control of education policy -- the federal government continues to exhibit leadership in preparing aspiring teachers for public service. Specifically, the Bush Administration is planning to build a national Teacher Training Facility as part of a larger program of assisting in the "rehabilitation, livelihood, and rebuilding of economic and social infrastructure" of the nation, according to procurement documents that Exhortations to the Oblivious has obtained.

Whether fortunately or unfortunately for American educators, administrators, and students, the above-mentioned nation to reap the fruits of such a government compound is not the United States. Rather, the U.S. Agency for International Development will fund construction of the facility in the Aceh province of Indonesia.

It remains unknown whether the school will offer the existing popular course of study "Educating Students in Jihadist Techniques for Slaughtering Christians." The class clearly has come in handy for local Indonesians who in recent years participated in attacks on missionaries and other relief workers during international post-tsunami recovery efforts.

U.S. Needs Uganda ' s Help -- Write Now, Before It ' s Too Late!

Exhortations to the Oblivious recently reported on the astounding prospect of Washington, D.C., leading international efforts to rid the world of governmental corruption, with Uganda being the latest recipient of our beneficence and, um, ethical leadership [If you have just vomited or laughed so abruptly that mucus accidentally flew out of your nostrils, it's understandable; people rarely utter the phrases "ethical leadership" and "Washington, D.C.," in the same sentence, so, seeing them paired together must have come as a shock.]  Anyhow, Exhortations has gotten its hands on a list of folks and organizations -- replete with e-mail addresses -- whom on May 30 attended a USAID/Kampala "Confrerence" [sic] on this particular segment of the Strengthening Capacity to Fight Corruption initiative.

In light of the rampant corruption of the U.S. federal government (and the corruption of state governments such as the one here in New Jersey), we think its time to ask these Ugandans and the contractors seeking to secure a piece of the action to return the favor: help us fight corruption in Washington, D.C. and elsewhere in the United States, because we sure as hell can't do it on our own, as you all may have already suspected.

Please utilize this e-mail list -- do it now! -- and contact the "confrerence" [sic] attendees to enlist their assistance.

Save us from ourselves, Uganda! Save us!

Old McDonald Had A.... Tax Bill to Pay for Overseas Farm Subsidies

Family owned U.S. farms continue to face seemingly insurmountable obstacles in the face of globalization -- so the federal government is stepping in to help farmers... in the former Soviet republic of Kyrgyzstan. 

In order to accomplish this task, the U.S. Agency for International Development (USAID) has boosted the value of an existing contract previously awarded to Chemonics International, which will now "expand legal and consulting services to farmers and rural communities in Kyrgyzstan," according to a procurement document that Exhortations to the Oblivious recently located. USAID's exercising of this $634,348 option brings the value of the Chemonics contract to $6.5 million.

And an oink-oink here, and an oink-oink there. Here an oink, there an oink, everywhere an oink-oink.

Help Wanted

Tired of your desk job? Ready to retire your cast-iron spatula at Burger Slop? Looking for travel and adventure? Well, Exhortations to the Oblivious has got an idea for you! Don't thank me, however. All gratitude goes to the Pentagon!

The U.S. Defense Logistics Agency launched a recruitment campaign earlier this month seeking over 600 skilled drivers to carry defense products in exotic lands, all overseas. No fooling.

One drawback, however -- okay, one of many drawbacks -- is the fact that you'll have to put your driving skills to the test on the roads of, um, Iraq and northern Kuwait.

Oh, and as just an aside, you'll be driving wheeled oil tankers, filled to the brim with flammable petrochecmicals.

But don't worry about that, because outgoing, disgraced Secy. of Defense Donald Rumsfeld likely doesn't care in hoot if want to keep wearing your NASCAR cap while on duty. Even that dusty ol' cap you bought at Winn Dixie 27 years ago.

Additionally, in a clear sign that Bush Administration officials are sincere when they utter the phrase "compassionate conservatism," you won't be held accountable if a rocket slams into your truck and all the fuel spills out (or, more than likely, burns and dissipates into a thick, toxic black cloud). If you are lucky enough to not feel oneness with the cloud, if you what I mean, then you're home free to collect your pay.

Before signing on, however, read the fine print from the actual contract solicitation, enlarged below for your convenience:

The contractor has the responsibility to deliver to the Government at destination all product entrusted in the contractor’s custody at origin except for the loss of product caused by the hostile acts of third parties such as terrorists or insurgents. The contractor assumes all other risks.

Contractor bears all risk and responsibility for personal injury or deaths of its employees or agents or subcontractor employees or for any damage to or loss of equipment during the thransportation [sic] of the fuel. The cause for damage or loss include, but are not limited to, hostile acts or thurd [sic] parties such as terrorists or insurgents, the U.S. military destroying disabled vehicles which must be abandoned, or theft or pilferage by third parties of disabled or abandoned vehicles. Claims for these types of losses will not be paid under this contract.

The U.S. Military or Coalition Forces will provide security escort for convoys transiting to locations in Iraq and returning to Navistar. The U.S. Military or Coalition Forces providing security escorts are acting to ensure that mission critical fuel reaches its destination. DESC [Defense Energy Support Center] is not responsible for the actions of U.S. Military or Coalition Forces. DESC does not warrant that the security escorts will keep the contractor’s employees , agents, subcontractor employees, or equipment free from harm.

Don' t you just love the part where it says that DoD "is not responsible for the actions of U.S. Military or Coalition Forces." In other words, if your protectors accidentally blow your head off, well, too bad!

Just one other stipulation:

The U.S. Military or Coalition Forces may not be available to provide security escort for vehicle recovery missions.

Still not sure if you're up the the challenge? Then get a copy of Iraq for Sale, an independent documentary that's simply chock full of live interviews and video footage of contractor truck-convoys in action.

A decision will be imminent. I can feel it.

Forward, march!